Let the ground rest.

We meet up every couple of months just to check in. We’ve been doing this for years. We share the commonality of being divorced as well as a passion for deep theology. Our conversations are always a mixture of laughter, deep thought, and then tears. It’s just the way we roll.

A few years ago, she experienced a new form of heartache when she and her husband were hit by another car while they were on their way to dinner. They were both greatly affected from the incident, but he more than she. He was in a coma for a while and has since began his road to recovery. And this will be a forever journey.

In the last year, she’s begun to process the accident some more and has begun to settle into this new life of hers as his primary caretaker.

If you knew my friend, you’d know that she lights up the room wherever she goes and that her laughter is contagious. She finds humor in the simple things making me want to be more like her. She inspires me so much just by how she’s learned to navigate through this part of her story.

While we were sipping on our lattes, she told me about a song that has been ministering to her in this season and then she texted it to me so I could listen to it later. On the way home from our visit, I played the song and felt every word as if I were hearing them from her healing heart. And then I realized how much my heart needed to hear these words too.

Because the truth is there are many things about my story right now that are also waiting for a harvest.

How about you? Are there things in your life that you wish were for now but you’re having to trust God with them and let the ground rest? It’s okay, you’re going to grow and it’s for the best. Trust the process.

It’s called; “Let the ground rest” by Chris Renzema.

Here’s the chorus:

Ohhh, just let the ground rest

Cause if it’s not right now

It’s for the best

You’re going to grow, I know this

But for now, just let the ground rest.

>>> S E C U R E <<<

It’s a New Year!

For the last few weeks I have been spending time at night flipping through old magazines trying to find inspirational words to add to my 2023 vision board. I love the hunt for meaningful words, dreaming for what’s to come with my new year, and the hope that fills my heart along the way.

Not only do I search for words out of magazines, I also spend time praying and discerning what God may be trying to show me for my future and for my family. As I put the pieces together, the puzzle becomes more clear and I begin to catch a glimpse of where we’re headed. It’s always a beautiful process.

Over the years, the words that I received have been so personal and have always become more significant as the year unfolds. I started doing this back in 2012 and now have encouraged our kiddos to join. Here’s my collection so far:

2012 - BIG

2013 - FAMILY

2014 - DREAM

2015 - LETTING GO

2016 - CHANGE

2017 - FLOURISH

2018 - ORDER

2019 - EXPAND

2020 - ANCHOR

2021 - SOAR

2022 - AWAIT

2023 - SECURE

Along with my word, I find some scriptures that fit together and I turn them into a personalized prayer for me to pray throughout the year.

How about you? Do you have a word? Do you put together a vision board?

Job 11:18 ESV

I will feel secure because there is hope; I will look around and take my rest in security.

What do you have to lose?

My twin boys asked me to go on a backpacking trip out west back in 2017 shortly after they graduated from high school. It was going to be the first vacation I’d be taking after my divorce had finalized and boy was I ready for the adventure. The year leading up to the divorce, plus the painful journey that divorce takes you through had really taken a toll on me.

Divorce is ugly.

Divorce is painful.

The further we drove, the lighter I felt. I knew God would be with us on our hike in the mountains and I knew He wanted to minister to my broken soul. The pages of my journal those days penned many sorrowful truths.

- July 24, 2017

“It’s a new week. A gentle breeze has rolled in today. Thoughts of fall are filling my mind. I recognize there’s so much healing yet to come.

How long Daddy?

When will the pain go away?

When will I move on with my heart?

I’m so lonely.”

Although I felt the freedom to share these words on my journal pages, I was so fearful to ever echo these words out loud. Because they would show my true vulnerable self to others and I never wanted anyone to know that I was not as strong as I was presenting myself to be.

God heard my words. And not only did He show up, but he showed off. Because that’s the kind of God He is.

While on the trip, I learned the depth of His love for me and the measures He takes to send us people we need to help us when we can’t help ourselves.

(Home from the trip for 2 days) - August 7, 2022, I wrote these words in my journal that I felt I heard from God.

“Jennifer,

I am preparing you my daughter for another adventure. You saw glimpses of what’s to come. Hold on to what you experienced. Don’t let go to the openness that I brought you to. I brought you to breakthrough and freedom in trusting others. In believing in the good of mankind. I created man. Man is good. Open your heart to what I have in store for you in the future. It’s time for a full healing so you can walk into wholeness.”

My second day back to work after the trip, I met Travis DeBrot. After a few weeks, he asked me out for coffee. I asked my mom and my sons what they thought about me going out with someone and they all said…

“Why not. What do you have to lose.”

I trusted their wisdom and then I took the bravest step I ever could and I trusted myself to let someone see and know my heart. There is no doubt in my mind that God led Travis to me and that this was and is His plan for us.

There are mysteries in life I will never understand until I meet God face-to-face and I’m okay with that. For now, I will just choose to cherish the gifts He gives us on this side of heaven.

From the luckiest woman on the planet,

The gift of Sabbath

This year we have a one-hour gap between when our 7th graders need to be to school and when our 4th graders need to be to school. With this dilemma, we have decided to use it to our advantage. Travis and Em discovered “The Farmhouse” and Jude and I have enjoyed trying a few different places in Spring Lake, Michigan.

He opened the door for me as we entered “Village Baker”…. (What a gentleman). Light music played in the background as we sat there and visited. We took a moment and held hands across the table so we could take a picture in our minds of this special morning together.

Not only are we getting to start off the day with breakfast out, we also get to come home to a fun-filled family weekend. Friday-night-Family-nights are our favorites.

With our ever changing schedule due to activities we’re all involved with, we have shifted our S A B B A T H nights to begin on Fridays at 5pm. What a great day to look forward to each week.

What day do you practice sabbath?

“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. Exodus 20: 8-10

Authentically me

I’ve always appreciated the opportunity that writing presents with inspiring and encouraging others. I try to be intentional with my messages because I want those who read to hear hope through my words. But I also want to be authentic in my sharing because I know that’s where real trust is built and hearts soften.

Being vulnerable isn’t easy and doesn’t come natural to anyone. It’s something that you have to work at and it requires you to really know your why.

Why share?

Why be vulnerable?

Why Care?

Because I want my words to reach people who may be hurting. People who may stumble upon this page and discover they can relate to something I’ve mentioned. And if and when that happens, it’s worth the risk…every time.

So here goes… bear with me.

I was good at painting a pretty picture with how my story was being told, I really was… I wanted others to see something that I wished were there myself. I danced with denial and held hands with a false reality because that’s what you do when you’re trying to cope. The signs were there from the beginning, but I didn’t want to face them so I suffered alone year after year.

I was good at putting on a smile and saving face in front of the crowed, especially at church, because that’s what a good person in ministry should do - right?

Yes, I had a few who were close enough to know the truth, but they couldn’t fix my situation.

Only God could.

It’s often in the desperation of our hearts cry where God is nearest to us. Actually Psalm 34:18 even tells us so. It’s in the pain and brokenness of our wounded mess where God sits and holds us close. And although things don’t always work out the way we pray they will, in His timing and in His way, He always responds.

Many years have passed since that season of my life and as they have, not only has my life and circumstances completely changed, but I have also changed in the process too. You see, during the chaotic and toxic turbulence, I wasn’t able to see how broken I was and I wasn’t able to really face how I was part of the storm. So God held me and waited patiently as He worked and moved and then while I was being put back together, He gently offered me to find more healing by seeing more of the truth.

Some of the things I’ve learned through my journey God nudges me to share with you. Whether it be over coffee, in a group setting, or through the art of writing. And when He does, I get the choice to respond. Today, I said yes.

If I could go back and talk with the younger me, I would say to myself:

1. Be careful with your words dear friend.

2. Be honest with yourself and with others, they can handle the truth.

3. Life is too short to worry about silly things.

4. To love and to be loved is a gift, cherish it.

5. God can redeem anything.

That picture up there was taken on April 3, 2017. It was the last day I was staying in the Smokey mountains during a trip I took with my little guys and family. I see it in my eyes. I was being humbled, facing real surrender for the first time, and finally shedding off the pattern to pretend all is well when it wasn’t. And as much as I didn’t like how it felt, I knew that it was what was needed if I was ever going to really be f r e e.

Where are you at today? Are you pretending? Are you part of the chaos in your life? Is He holding you close? If so, I get it. I really do. I’m sorry for your pain and I hope these words have encouraged or inspired you in some small way.

Psalm 34:18 - The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart. <3

Time slips through

There are moments when life slows down long enough for me to snap a still shot to capture where life has me t o d a y.

Times where I recognize the importance of taking it all in and savoring the seconds with the ones I love.

Another son celebrated a milestone last weekend as he said “I do” and became united in marriage with his beautiful bride. This time around my mama heart knew what was coming with his new chapter. You see, we went through this last summer when his twin brother got married. I didn’t realize then how much things would change and how little we would all be together. Now I know. Our oldest has been gone for many years. Not once has it been easy.

Another mama with adult children recently said to me… “you never let go”… and I am comforted to know that it’s okay to hold on forever.

Although they are called to leave and cleave, they do come home and life does continue to bring new memories and treasures for a growing family. I know there are many wonderful seasons ahead with new experiences for me to behold. And I’m so grateful for that.

And I pray that I will continue to find days to

stop.

pause.

rest.

reflect.

On the beauty that each chapter brings. Because life is such a gift and the ones God gives us to love are so precious. And I want to let it all sink into my heart a little bit deeper just how lovely this journey is.

Changing Seasons

There’s just something about a season changing that inspires us to reflect on life, isn’t there.

For me, the Fall season heightens the urgency to evaluate where my year is projected to end. I start asking myself hard questions and pondering what more I want to fit in before it really comes to a close.

I pull out my dream board, my prayer notes, my “wish lists” and I look to see what else yet needs to be done and I begin to celebrate the ones I’ve successfully crossed off already.

Do you do that too?

It seems like I start my year off in January with really high hopes of what I think I can accomplish and then month-by-month, I put steps in place to get me there.

Somewhere along this wonderful journey of life, I began to realize that baby steps would be needed in order for me to knock off the “Big Ones” on my checklist. I think that’s from learning the hard way in years past.

So I put more details to my dreams. Rather than saying - I want to go hiking….. I put - Go hiking 3 times this year.

I decided to really ask myself early on what I thought would be a good measure of success for me before the year ended.

To date, I have a few more things I need to finish out, but all in all, we’re tracking pretty good.

How about you?

What goals have you set for yourself - body, soul, and spirit? I’m so grateful that God never gives up on us and that His Word never changes!

“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.” - Isaiah 40:8

Kitchen Sink Thoughts

I used to write often. There was always different ideas floating through my mind throughout the day that I wanted to formulate into a note I could share with the world online. Writing for me was therapeutic and I always hoped my words were touching someone else’s heart.

For the last few years I haven’t written near as much and I’m sometimes disappointed with myself for not being more intentional with it. It’s not for a lack of things to share because truly there is so much I could say.

I wish I had time to share more about my wonderful husband and the gift he’s been since the day God sent him to me more than 5 years ago.

I wish I had time to share about our hobby farm life and the peace it’s brought to my soul.

I wish I had time to share about what life feels like for a mama with sons ranging from 9 years old to 25, and of course about my 2 bonus girls from my beloved husband.

I wish I had time to share about the nonprofit we started a few years ago and how amazing it’s been to watch it grow into something beautiful.

I wish I had time to share about the many different things God has taught me through the years of surrender, letting go and the joys found in rebuilding life over again as a blended family.

As I sat and reflected the other day, God reminded me that so often in years past when I wrote, I was writing from a place of pain and desperation because life was hard and I really wanted someone to care.

I’m no longer there.

I know that life will shift again in the next few years and I’ll have more time on my hands to fill some pages with notes I want to pass along, but for now, here is what I’d like to relay for today:

• God speaks at the kitchen sink (listen to what He has to say).

• Time speeds up with each year you live.

• If you make your family a priority, you will have a forever family.

• Don’t try to fix people.

• Practice sabbath and self care, it’s essential to a good and healthy life.

• Spend some time each day with Jesus… And He will lead you to the desires of your heart.

  “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” - Psalm 34:7

Truth Be Told…

We put our chairs down to watch our fifth soccer game of the weekend and began to chat with the couple sitting next to us. Our boys are on the same team yet nothing is the same about any of our lives. They are an ‘in tact’ family like most of the families along the sidelines. They only have two kids and one in sports. That’s not the case for us (at all).

As we sat there and attempted to explain our family structure and the many activities we’re involved with, it was clear they were getting lost in our complicated life.

We felt their empathy.

We felt vulnerable.

We held our heads up high as we always do.

We’re doing our best.

Blended families have dynamics that in-tact families will never be able to fully understand. Here’s a glimpse:

We have 4 kids under 12 in 3 different school districts and none of them are the one we live in. This weekend, we have to be in Grand Rapids for an Art festival for our daughter with dance, in Coopersville for a 5k girls on the run race for our other daughter, Holland for a soccer game, Grand Rapids for a soccer game, back to Holland for a piano recital, to Spring Lake to drop off and pick up 2 of our kiddos for youth group, and two more additional soccer games beyond that.

And truth be told… I’m T I R E D.

Philippians 4:13 says, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Right now the days are tough. The commutes are far. The weekends are busy, but we know that there will come a day when things shift and we’ll be able to look back and say it was worth every minute.

If you can relate, hold on tight to these words from Paul in Philippians. You too can do ALL things with Christ’s help.

New Perspective

I bought myself some reading glasses a few months ago and boy oh boy has that been a real game changer for me when it comes to seeing things more clearly. Whether its the new glasses or the fact that I’m approaching my mid-40s, I sure have hit a spot in life where reflection feels like medicine to the soul.

Hopefully with each new year I’ve gained a bit of wisdom to go along with the hardships life has brought me and I’ve taken the appropriate steps and applied some new things along the way. I’d like to think that’s true.

I heard something in church a few weeks ago that really resonated with me. Pastor Bill said something along the lines of this…

Life seems to be a series of tests we go through. So often we have to keep taking the same test until we finally pass.

At the beginning of every new year I ask God for a word to focus on throughout the year and this year my word is the word:

A W A I T - To anticipate, expect, hope (for) wait (for).

Romans 8:25 says But if we hope for what we do not see, we await (it) eagerly with patient endurance.

As I look ahead, I get pretty excited to think that maybe I’ve passed a few tests by now and He’s ready to take us some place really really good.

How about you?? Are you ready for something fresh and new or do you sense that it may be another year of learning?

He’s one of the good ones

This man of mine inspires me everyday to be a better woman oh yes he does. It’s his daily disciplines that continue to spur me on with my own desires and dreams. From early mornings where we share coffee, dreams, and time with God and throughout the day where he doesn’t show any signs of quit - he motivates me to follow his lead.

And I won’t take any of it for granted. Not for a minute.

From keeping our home warm-to-his loving ways-to-the plowed driveway and each sacrifice made - the list goes on and on.

God sent me a good one. Oh yes He did and for that I am forever grateful.

If God sent you a good one too - be sure to take a moment today to appreciate the gift.

Learning to exhale

I can’t pinpoint when it started… Maybe it was few years ago or maybe it’s been several years now and I’m just beginning to realize it, but at some point, I started holding my breath without even thinking about it. I wasn’t doing it consciously, it was just something that naturally happened as though it had always been a part of me.

As my life has picked up in steam over the years, I just kept inhaling. Maybe you can relate?

I sat with some friends last night and while we chatted, the light turned on for me. God was gently reminding me to remember to exhale. We don’t have to think about breathing because our bodies are wired to do this on their own, but we do get to choose how often we exhale.

Ezekiel 37:5 “This is what the Sovereign Lord days: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again.”

I want to live fully alive and free! I don’t want to hold on to any breaths that weren’t meant for me carry within. How about you?

Oh God - teach us to live fully alive in you. Teach us to exhale again and again.

I was made for this

I was made for this.

That’s the thought that filtered through today as I was putting another batch of chocolate chip cookies into the oven…

I quick snapped a picture and sent it off to our college boy with a note that said - cookies to celebrate that fact that you’re coming home for the weekend <3

With the busyness of this season and the challenges of the ongoing pandemic, I sometimes have to ground myself to remember what really matters most in life.

Almost 25 years into this motherhood thing and I can definitely say that it’s the little things that make my heart smile.

This world is hard but home should never be.

Lord - please help us to create spaces for our kids to feel safe and celebrated each and every day.

How do you wait

I wonder if you’re like me at all?

In the absence of sunshine and the sounds of raindrops, I sit here in my office today listening to the song “Wait On You” by Maverick City.

I’ve been working on a little project this year that has my whole heart invested into it. I’ve spent countless hours working on this idea ensuring the relevance of it would be worth the effort. I’ve prayed, stretched myself, bounced the idea off to others, and put the pieces into place.

And now I begin to prepare my heart to see what will come with this little dream in my heart. I wait to see what God will do with something that started from nothing. I begin this journey all over again with trusting God to increase my faith to believe He knows best.

Can I be honest with you?

I don’t like waiting. It’s uncomfortable and scary. It requires vulnerability and trust. Yet it’s exactly what He leads us all to when we take steps to chase after the dreams He puts in our hearts.

How about you -are you waiting for something too? How’s that going?

Hear this…. Those who wait on the Lord will RENEW their strength, they will soar on eagles wings, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint… Isaiah 43:31

Keep waiting my friends. It’s coming. May you wait with great expectancy.

What really matters

I remember years ago having a conversation over a cup of coffee with my dear dad about life and ministry. He talked about the lessons he’s learned regarding making the most of every day. He shared that he’s resolved to living the rest of his days by starting out each morning with this simple prayer:

Lord I yield my life to thee, spirit-filled Lord let me be.

And as he goes about his day, he just continues to find ways to be a blessing to others. Whether it’s someone in his church, a place he’s found to volunteer, preparing a devotional or poem to pass along or by spending time with his children and grandchildren, he can rest his head at night knowing that God has used his life for another day.

Oh how I love that thought!

It’s not always through the grander things in life where we make our greatest impact. It’s often in the small, seemingly unimportant day-to-day simple acts that I stumble upon my purpose too.

And it’s with this thought that I continue to find such inspiration to always be looking for ways to partner with Him. It may be as simple as smiling at the cashier He’s placed before me, holding the door for that mama who has her hands full, or waving the person into the lane in front of me, there seems to always be an opportunity to be used by Him.

Because all of these things matter. They really do.

How about you? Are you often amazed by the simple ways you stumble upon your purpose too?

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them - Ephesians 2:10

Something to be proud of

The more I reflect on the backstories of my life, the more I see I see the faithfulness of God. He’s carried me through so much and I still get choked up when I look around to see where He has me today.

I’ve been doing a lot of writing, reflecting, and gleaning from my past which now has me taking some new steps forward.

In many ways I’ve pulled back over the last few years while our lives were being put back together again - because some forms of privacy were healthy for us.

After a few years now of building memories together as a blended family, I feel the nudge to start sharing some of our journey more transparently with hopes to encourage others who may be able to identify with what this life is like.

I guess the most important thing I hope to convey as I move forward with sharing my heart is that if you are reading this today and you have experienced the stings from divorce, please know that you can still have a strong and beautiful family for the world to see - it just might look a tad different than you originally envisioned.

According to an article on Psychology today, [1]Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of marriages end in divorce and the numbers go up even higher for second marriages and beyond.

Given this statistic, I see a great opportunity to be a voice of support, encouragement, and hope for others who may feel inclined to pursue another shot with marriage and rebuilding too.

A resource that has been incredibly helpful for me has been Family Life (Blended). They put out resources free to Blended families and I highly recommend you take advantage of them if you have been affected with divorce.

Tonight starts our weekend with all of our kiddos. We call this Friday night our (Friday night Family night). We’ll be celebrating with a fun game of family football in the front yard, homemade kettle corn, and pizza. Tomorrow morning my husband will be making pumpkin pancakes for us (he makes pancakes every weekend they’re here). We’ll divide and conquer tomorrow afternoon as our girl has a parade for dance in Holland and our boy has a soccer game in Norton Shores. We’ve been lucky this season to actually have been able to attend most of their activities together. That’s a challenge with blended families, maybe you can relate? Sunday mornings when the kids are here is always a special time. It’s our last day of being together and we always make the most of it. Sitting together during worship at church, a big family lunch, snuggles and some more outside playtime and then the packing begins.

The Monday’s after they leave are always the hardest. Grace is needed.

Here’s to a fantastic weekend.

Cheers!

[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201202/the-high-failure-rate-second-and-third-marriages

How do you know when you’re free?

At the start of this year I had a few weeks to lay low before my final semester of grad school started and I found myself wanting to write again. As I sat down and opened a new Word document, I wasn’t quite sure which part of my heart was wanting to be heard.

Within a few hours, I realized there was a message waiting to be penned, but I still was a bit reluctant to give it voice.

How do you know when you are free?

One definition I found online puts it this way… not or no longer confined or imprisoned…

John 8:36 puts it this way… So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

And so the words began to flow and thousands of them came. Word-by-word, I have begun to experience new bits of freedom but I won’t settle for just a partial freedom, I want the full thing.

How about you? Is there something holding you captive? Is there a place in your heart that isn’t quite yet free? My prayer for you is that your heart has a touch of freedom today.

<3

What season are you in?

At the beginning of every new year I ask God to give me a word. Maybe you do that too? I like to have just one word to focus on throughout the year while the seasons change. And it’s about this time of the year where I really begin to soak up all that the word has to offer me.

This year the word that I received was the word S O A R and here’s the scripture I’ve penned down in my prayer journal…

Isaiah 40:31 says, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will S O A R on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

I knew that once the kids returned to school this fall that life would feel different for me and it does. For the last few years when they went back - so did I. This past May I finally completed my degree at Western Theological Seminary which feels amazing.

When I started school, I wasn’t sure which direction God would have me go upon completion. I just knew that He had opened the door for me to attend there and that I needed to be obedient with the process. To my surprise, during that time, 1M was launched.

As I’ve been reflecting these last few weeks over my word and wondering when or what soaring with Him really looks like, it occurred to me that it’s right where I am today.

To be honest, I thought soaring was going to look different than this.

I think I may have had the equation off just a tad.

In the quiet and in the stillness of this sweet fall day, I was nudged to just embrace this unbelievable feeling of soaring with Him.

How about you? What season are you in? I just don’t want you to miss what might be right in front of you.

One week at a time.

It’s busy and then it’s not which is the routine we’ve held for several years now.

In the quiet and in the stillness we reflect on the special moments from our time shared together.

While the music plays in the background - its just the two of us again and we’re reminded of how our worlds collided and have never been the same.

We often make our way out onto the ole’ front porch of ours and find ourselves dreaming again of what’s yet to come.

Can you relate?

I know that one day I’ll blink and we’ll be in a new season and I’ll be saying “those were the good old days”.

Lord, please help me to cherish this season right here. Don’t let me wish one minute of it away.

Here’s to building a blended tribe.

One week.

One day… at a time. 💪💖

I want you to know.

Writing is the best way I know how to express a deep emotion I wish to convey. This morning my heart was stirred and filled with such gratitude for my dear daddy as I fell asleep last night just after we rewatched Lorretta Lynn’s biographical movie Coal Miner’s Daughter. There’s just something so compelling that happens when you listen to storyline that has some parallels to your own.

No doubt Lorretta loved her daddy like I love mine.

I was born a preachers daughter. I know I was the apple of his eye.

Although he grew up in a home never hearing he was loved— he was bound to tell us every time he could.

His home may have had white carpet and was filled by 7 but it was far from joyful or complete.

All he ever wanted was to make his daddy proud but granddaddy never could show it if he was.

So he set out to build his own home where there would be loving words, dirty floors, laughter and singing, and everyone welcomed in.

Beyond his great calling to share the Gospel, it was clear to all of us that his family was what mattered most.

From building us an A-framed home tucked far in off the road-to-taking us on family adventures year after year, Daddy lived to make us kids understand the value of family.

One-by-one we grew up and left our childhood home but the memories are etched deep inside of me and continue to help shape my home today.

Dear Daddy - I am proud to be a preachers daughter. I loved our A-frame home. I loved and continue to love all of our Daddy/daughter dates, and I love you so very much. XO