Authentically me
I’ve always appreciated the opportunity that writing presents with inspiring and encouraging others. I try to be intentional with my messages because I want those who read to hear hope through my words. But I also want to be authentic in my sharing because I know that’s where real trust is built and hearts soften.
Being vulnerable isn’t easy and doesn’t come natural to anyone. It’s something that you have to work at and it requires you to really know your why.
Why share?
Why be vulnerable?
Why Care?
Because I want my words to reach people who may be hurting. People who may stumble upon this page and discover they can relate to something I’ve mentioned. And if and when that happens, it’s worth the risk…every time.
So here goes… bear with me.
I was good at painting a pretty picture with how my story was being told, I really was… I wanted others to see something that I wished were there myself. I danced with denial and held hands with a false reality because that’s what you do when you’re trying to cope. The signs were there from the beginning, but I didn’t want to face them so I suffered alone year after year.
I was good at putting on a smile and saving face in front of the crowed, especially at church, because that’s what a good person in ministry should do - right?
Yes, I had a few who were close enough to know the truth, but they couldn’t fix my situation.
Only God could.
It’s often in the desperation of our hearts cry where God is nearest to us. Actually Psalm 34:18 even tells us so. It’s in the pain and brokenness of our wounded mess where God sits and holds us close. And although things don’t always work out the way we pray they will, in His timing and in His way, He always responds.
Many years have passed since that season of my life and as they have, not only has my life and circumstances completely changed, but I have also changed in the process too. You see, during the chaotic and toxic turbulence, I wasn’t able to see how broken I was and I wasn’t able to really face how I was part of the storm. So God held me and waited patiently as He worked and moved and then while I was being put back together, He gently offered me to find more healing by seeing more of the truth.
Some of the things I’ve learned through my journey God nudges me to share with you. Whether it be over coffee, in a group setting, or through the art of writing. And when He does, I get the choice to respond. Today, I said yes.
If I could go back and talk with the younger me, I would say to myself:
Be careful with your words dear friend.
Be honest with yourself and with others, they can handle the truth.
Life is too short to worry about silly things.
To love and to be loved is a gift, cherish it.
God can redeem anything.
That picture up there was taken on April 3, 2017. It was the last day I was staying in the Smokey mountains during a trip I took with my little guys and family. I see it in my eyes. I was being humbled, facing real surrender for the first time, and finally shedding off the pattern to pretend all is well when it wasn’t. And as much as I didn’t like how it felt, I knew that it was what was needed if I was ever going to really be f r e e.
Where are you at today? Are you pretending? Are you part of the chaos in your life? Is He holding you close? If so, I get it. I really do. I’m sorry for your pain and I hope these words have encouraged or inspired you in some small way.
Psalm 34:18 - The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart. <3
