What do you have to lose?
My twin boys asked me to go on a backpacking trip out west back in 2017 shortly after they graduated from high school. It was going to be the first vacation I’d be taking after my divorce had finalized and boy was I ready for the adventure. The year leading up to the divorce, plus the painful journey that divorce takes you through had really taken a toll on me.
Divorce is ugly.
Divorce is painful.
The further we drove, the lighter I felt. I knew God would be with us on our hike in the mountains and I knew He wanted to minister to my broken soul. The pages of my journal those days penned many sorrowful truths.
- July 24, 2017
“It’s a new week. A gentle breeze has rolled in today. Thoughts of fall are filling my mind. I recognize there’s so much healing yet to come.
How long Daddy?
When will the pain go away?
When will I move on with my heart?
I’m so lonely.”
Although I felt the freedom to share these words on my journal pages, I was so fearful to ever echo these words out loud. Because they would show my true vulnerable self to others and I never wanted anyone to know that I was not as strong as I was presenting myself to be.
God heard my words. And not only did He show up, but he showed off. Because that’s the kind of God He is.
While on the trip, I learned the depth of His love for me and the measures He takes to send us people we need to help us when we can’t help ourselves.
(Home from the trip for 2 days) - August 7, 2022, I wrote these words in my journal that I felt I heard from God.
“Jennifer,
I am preparing you my daughter for another adventure. You saw glimpses of what’s to come. Hold on to what you experienced. Don’t let go to the openness that I brought you to. I brought you to breakthrough and freedom in trusting others. In believing in the good of mankind. I created man. Man is good. Open your heart to what I have in store for you in the future. It’s time for a full healing so you can walk into wholeness.”
My second day back to work after the trip, I met Travis DeBrot. After a few weeks, he asked me out for coffee. I asked my mom and my sons what they thought about me going out with someone and they all said…
“Why not. What do you have to lose.”
I trusted their wisdom and then I took the bravest step I ever could and I trusted myself to let someone see and know my heart. There is no doubt in my mind that God led Travis to me and that this was and is His plan for us.
There are mysteries in life I will never understand until I meet God face-to-face and I’m okay with that. For now, I will just choose to cherish the gifts He gives us on this side of heaven.
From the luckiest woman on the planet,
